Omegle spawns Greatness. Thanks, random lady, embodiment of randomness's promise.

Omegle conversation log
2009-07-31
Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
You: Howdy.
Stranger: hello :)
You: I'm an insomniac, and maybe the most open and capable mind you'll ever encounter on this site. Whaddaya got?
Stranger: hmm... what an interesting way to start off
You: Well, between strangers, I think propriety is best dismissed.
Stranger: i'm ...not an insomniac. just bored at 1:30 in the morning i guess
You: Hehe.
You: I'm sporadically insomniaic, I guess...
Stranger: hmm... i guess i can be that way too from time to time
Stranger: a good book usually fixes that though
You: We guess a lot.
You: I think I need a terrible book to fix it. The previous statement was less sincere than it was an attempt at some sort of humor.
Stranger: lol clever :p
You: Sincere humor, though... the paradoxes abound!
Stranger: so... let me just take a stab at it
Stranger: youre... 26
Stranger: male
Stranger: out of college
You: Shit. You know me?
Stranger: you work as.... an editor? or some kind of writer maybe
Stranger: nope... just guessing lol
You: Went to college for one month; it bored the hell out of me, and I just stopped going.
Stranger: lol what do you do then?
You: I think I should have dis-enrolled.
You: I do computer work, "seasonally," mostly disaster support work with FEMA. I spend months on, and months off. It's been so for the last year and a half or so, since the separation/divorce.
Stranger: 26 and divorced? thats not goo
Stranger: good*
You: I hanker for a literature-based occupation; IT is soulless, but defies a lateral transition in pay.
You: Yeah; I got married and had kids before I realized that the programming I'd received was meant for a world other than the one that I exist in.
Stranger: not sure exactly what that means
You: Within the last two years, I realized my Self, sustained what must be "Nirvana" for a period of weeks, and wiped clean the slate of the human side of me.
You: Not sure exactly what what means?
Stranger: interesting...
Stranger: "the programming I'd received was meant for a world other than the one that I exist in."
You: Ah; I was raised to perform in an idealistic, moral world where Jesus is King.
Stranger: as opposed to what exactly?
You: I realize a much simpler form of the same story. I was too much a coward, before, to make my own decisions. I stuck with what I'd been taught was "right."
You: Well, I function with people of various beliefs, all struggling to understand just what the hell we're here for, or stuck in the rut of attaining that which is widely supposed to be "best;" i.e. affluence, wealth, occupational stability, admirability, etc. etc.
Stranger: well youre definitely on a different level, my friend
You: You can consider me your friend. I realize the unity of all. I'm not trying to be sensational, or anything like that. What I say is, absolutely, sincere. If I'm not striking your fancy, I'm confident that patience on your part (if you already feel it's necessary) will yeild significant gain.
Stranger: and why is that?
You: Specify, please.
Stranger: my patience will yeild significant gain
Stranger: ?
You: Well, I've not lost my ability to perceive the pattern that governs life, existence, everything. If you care to unveil what concerns you, I think I won't fail as the only thing I've yet to realize my ability to be: a conduit to that greater truth.
You: I can't say the same, magic phrase to everyone, but I think I'm able to say things that mean something to each person I encounter and come to know.
Stranger: well.. what can you say to me that might mean something?
You: Do you lack a question more specific?
Stranger: to be honest, i really dont know what to say to you or ask you
You: Hehe. Then it's on me to "succeed" or to "fail." Are you so complete in life that you've found and maintain comfort and contentment? Even I don't know what it is that I have to offer at each specific instance - over time, though, I've found that mutually sincere exchange benefits me as well as my counterpart.
You: I'm some magical reciprocal, a "conduit of fate."
You: If I sound like a far-fetched or crazy person, I'd like to lend my reassurance that, outside of situations where I feel inspired to be raw and true, I am perceived - generally - as a pretty normal guy.
Stranger: hmm... well i'm a pretty normal girl. and i'm not sure how to respond to everything you've said prior to now... but i think you might be wanting to give some sort of advice or something?
Stranger: am i supposed to tell you about my problems and you tell me something mindblowing?
You: I don't know. Maybe you're supposed to remind me that I can benefit, as well as be a benefit. I rarely - very nearly never - anticipate another's ability to benefit me. I take for granted that I'm more profound than anyone I'll encounter; that's not due to pride, but prior experience.
You: I scrolled up a bit, and wondered how the eff you nailed twenty-six and male.
You: I had to reflect a bit to re-assure myself that I am, in fact twenty-six.
You: And I'd usually, without having been humbled/made to hope by what I perceive of you, think that, yes, you should reveal to me your "problems," and anticipate some answer that'll unfold into something meaningful - either readily, or over time.
Stranger: ''i take for granted that im more profound than anyone i'll encounter'' ..is that why your marriage failed?
Stranger: lol... its kindof weird... cuz im used to listening to other people
Stranger: im rarely asked to talk about what bothers me
Stranger: so im not sure that i know how to do that all that well
You: It may be a bit of why my marriage failed. I was infatuated with her; I had so, SO much love to give... then, it dwindled in the midst of an appalling lack (perceived, anyway) of reciprocity. I re-discovered the mindset that knew what was best, and found that she didn't measure up. I slowly became dis-illusioned and belittling; I can't know just what it all was, from here, but I've allotted the benefit of every doubt I can conjure up to that sweet, simple girl.
You: socialnudist.org
Not that you've got to read it, now, but maybe you'd like it. It'll re-direct to my blogger page. You're awesome - I've discerned that much, and with confidence - and I suggest the earlier posts be read first. I don't see it (just as I see myself) as something that I can claim as "me" or "mine," but another product of Existence, as we each are, as every thing is.
Stranger: perhaps i'll check it out
Stranger: i dont want to offend you or anything
Stranger: because you seem like a nice and genuine guy
Stranger: but if you dont mind, or if at all possible, i'd like to talk to you without all of the two dollar words
Stranger: i dont know you at all
Stranger: so maybe im wrong
Stranger: but it seems like somewhat of a front
You: Oh.. really, if it is, it's one so ingrained that I'm not aware of it. This is just how I speak.
Stranger: where are you from?
You: Lafayette, LA.
You: I'm not posing. I am, as far as I am aware, far beyond that.
Stranger: so do you speak this way to other people? like in person
Stranger: or is it just how you write (and type)
You: I let my very curly hair get completely effed up by the wind (I drive with my windows down, even though the persistent reminder that my hair's gonna look funky is there) when I'm going places.
You: It's more pronounced when I type, but I've yet to hold a good conversation (several, at least) with capable persons since my enlightenment. Actually, I think this is an accurate example of how I speak, especially since whatever that super-realization was. I've had a few drunk conversations with strangers who have demanded my phone number after baring their souls to me as I bared mine to them. Yet to receive a call back, though..
Stranger: so to you, no one else is ''capable'' ?
You: No.. everyone is capable, few are willing.
You: The capability to exist within the moment, aware of the absolute truth of one's existence, is - I know - innate.
You: We're programmed to be uncomfortable doing so, though - to different degrees, and for apparently different reasons.
You: If you harbor doubts, consider that this is the first Omegle conversation I've held in weeks (months?), and I just hopped on after biking back from a bar where I spoke to no one but the barista.
Stranger: first omegle conversation because its the first time youve gotten on in a while? or first omegle conversation because no one takes the time to listen
You: First because I've not visited the site in as long.
Stranger: likewise
Stranger: so... let me ask you something.
Stranger: being divorced
Stranger: and in whatever you wanna call this mindset that youre in now
Stranger: do you think theres a chance that you might live the rest of your life alone?
You: "Sheesh," came up, without the emotional commitment I'd hope for with such a mental muttering.
You: I could. And I could be absolutely happy doing so.
You: I'd rather find my reciprocal, though.
Stranger: wow
You: I'm still figuring it out.
Stranger: i dont think i'd have a complete life if i lived it alone
You: I may never reach the point I'm pointed towards; the journey's great, though.
Stranger: but i guess i fit that norm, huh
You: Well, I've yet to reach a point where I'm confident in my knowledge that life is more or less complete, one way or the other. I perceive myself to be, and refer to myself often as a "mirror," and "an echoing chamber for existence." I think of myself, alone, as a mirror, and see myself reflecting each thing that I see. Then, I imagine myself, a mirror, facing another mirror, and know that the reflections produced would be infinite - and I long for that. I want someone to need ME, just me, and be unsatisfiable by any other thing. I think she's out there. I even stopped limiting that hope to a "she."
Stranger: so youre a possible bi-sexual
Stranger: with a seeminly low sex drive
Stranger: who is kindof lost?
You: Hehe. I like how what you think winds up being presented.
You: And that's something else I've thought of: I'm not homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual - I exist within the moment, something so absolute as to defy pre-definition.
You: My sex drive falls an infinitely distant second to my desire for spiritual appreciation and reciprocation, and I am just as lost as I am found.
You: Heyyyy... it said that you were typing something; then, it went away.
You: Don't hold out on me claims-to-be-a-lady.
Stranger: :))
Stranger: claims to be?
You: Hehe. What do I know?
Stranger: nothing... because you have yet to ask
Stranger: lol
You: You mentioned being a girl.
You: Wait... lemme re-read that. You might have mis-lead me in a non-dishonest manner - one that relied only on my assumption.
You: Nope. You said, "I'm a pretty normal girl."
You: Sucka!
Stranger: lol yep
Stranger: good eye :p
You: So, this is your actual first conversation on Omegle in a considerable period of time?
Stranger: yep... since atleast last semester
You: Awesome.
Stranger: i was usually on here to kill time when i didn't want to study
You: This is the sort of conversation (though it's exceded its predecessors) that I'd fish for and rarely find.
You: I'll disregard my childish wishes for you to be that one "her." Dang.. I'm really lonely at times. I've got friends; I've got platonic girl friends, and nothing but that specific One will ever satisfy this, a desire that I choose to believe is integral to my being.
Stranger: lol i dont think i or anyone else will live up to your expectations.
You: I was once whole in a manner that defied desire for partnership. I think I then chose to return to desiring my reciprocal.
Stranger: i'm, like i said, pretty normal
You: I don't have any expectations. If I did, they'd undermine the un-placeable awesomeness of the entity that I require.
You: Hah. Sucker.. you think you're normal. Dumbass...
Stranger: ouch
You: Haha
Stranger: what makes you think i'm not?
You: I'm so laughing over that.
Stranger: glad you found it funny :p
Stranger: unlike yourself, i like to think that i follow societies norms for the most part.. and would thus make me 'normal'
You: I'd be engaging in an inevitably fruitless exercise to try to discern or convey just what it is that makes you special. You're there, though. No; I'm not placing my bets on you. As I said, "no expectations." You are to me, now, merely and absolutely what you are to me, now.
You: Well, your willingness to engage in this sort of conversation is unacceptable by the standards of propriety; the fact that I defy them makes me no less able a proprietor of the standards of propriety. How many of your friends might you share this experience with
You: ?
Stranger: lol i guess so
Stranger: but you know... the main reason i even get on this site is to see what a person will talk about to strangers
You: Any
You: thing
Stranger: when the person doesnt have a sex, face, name, etc.
Stranger: so when i get on and instead of getting some retarded opening line
Stranger: i get something out of the ordinary
Stranger: my curiosity has to keep me here
Stranger: you didnt ask, but i'll tell you. I'm a girl
Stranger: 22
Stranger: sociology major
Stranger: and nothing facinates me more than human beings interacting
You: Well, that curiosity is unacceptable. My abnormalcy should send you fleeing. You know you'll never keep up with my awesomeness, but you hope to realize your own ability to grow during this conversation - you somehow, despite some objection of a more disciplined portion of yourself, find yourself willing to believe that you might be inspired by this to become something more. That, or I'm a dumbass; sure, I'm reaching, but the chance of my being on-the-mark is worth it. If I'm not, I'll bury all of the preceding, on the sly.
Stranger: inspired to become something more?
You: Are you unwilling to do so?
You: Must your growth be preceded by your understanding of it?
Stranger: how do you think you can help me Grow as a person?
Stranger: im curious, once again
Stranger: not 'unwilling' though
You: Hehe.
You: Like I said (something to the effect of it, anyway), I don't know how I might affect you; I merely possess and am possessed by the absolute confidence that there is a purpose to all of this. I also know that the word "purpose" might imply a direction, that I perceive that we're travelling somewhere - I am just as aware, though, that it's all already happened, and that every possible outcome is necessary for the Everything to exist.
Stranger: well, mr 26 year old from LA, instead of waiting for this big change or growth or whatever, why dont we just talk? about whatever
You: I'd be happy - thrilled, even - to contribute to or to be the subject of some essay of yours, if such a work is at some point required.
You: Hey; pick a subject. I suck at choosing a subject other than philosophical everything.
Stranger: your childhood
Stranger: were you a good student?
You: I thought of about three negative, facetious replies to that.
You: I was a terrible student, and made excellent grades in anything that held my interest.
Stranger: siblings?
Stranger: and were your parents divorced by any chance?
You: I finished the "Leap" test required in fourth grade (required to advance) in about half an hour, and was sent to the principal's office for doing head stands in my desk when the teacher was outside of the classroom... talking to the principal. I don't remember that, though. I think I got perfect marks.
You: I am one of seven childred, the middle child.
You: And they're divorced; happened when I was about twelve.
You: Roman Catholic.
You: Italian/Irish
Stranger: i'm part italian... not a big part, but its there :p
You: 1/4 Italian, 1/4 French, 1/4 Irish, and then who knows.
Stranger: how many children did you have with your ex-wife?
You: two
Stranger: how old were you when you had them
Stranger: and did you marry her because she was pregnant?
You: Hrm... one's five, and one's three. The birthdays are very recently passed.
You: I was 26 on February 28th.
Stranger: and how often do you see them?
You: Hehe. No; married because of love and my inability to discern a future other than marriage with this girl I had no complaints about.
You: They're sleeping about ten feet from me.
You: Yet to have a stable lifestyle. Separation was two years ago; wife's active duty ######### - just back from [far away, for a long while].
Stranger: without any kind of analogy or any other b.s. i want to know why that love died
Stranger: why you separated
Stranger: simply
You: It's still there, for me - I've eradicated the mindset that knew just what was correct, the one that found her inacceptable. I'm yet to make it to a place where I can lay it out simply - even for myself. She ######### ######## ########### #### while she was in training. I kept asking her whether she wanted to work it out, and she's [reply] in the affirmative - despite the fact that she kept up contact with [the same], and the one she eventually ####### ## ##### prior to our separation.
Stranger: oh wow.... so in a nutshell, she ####### ## ###?
You: Heh. Maybe I drove her to it. She was a simple girl.
When I was there, though - within the mindset I developed while married - she was all wrong. [**omitted**]; both of those were the things I begged for. Still.. I hesitate to dismiss my own fallibility, even though I can't readily put it into words. Just take into consideration, without ever completing said consideration, that I created a schizophrenic reality (I'm sure) and operated from within that reality.
You: The ########, though, is factually, empirically, whateverically so, though.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: you must have a great deal of love for her
You: Shut it.
You: !!!!
Stranger: i wouldve said ''she was a lazy bitch that ####### ## ##''
You: We're each just what we are. I don't extend that consideration to her because I feel for her; it's the inverse - I feel it more confusingly and complexly because I feel for her. I know that we are all just what we are, just products of existence.
You: I loved her too much to, I think, ever dismiss her as "wrong." I still lover her to a degree that confounds my ability to think about her. I break down [confoundingly confused] when I enter that arena, so I avoid it.
You: Still, I'll see her within the next week in order to transfer the girls to her, as she's back from #####. We plan on spending a day at the Zoo and Aquarium in New Orleans. I can't even make it past step one of processing what I think that'll be like, and I just feel so terrible and useless and weak because I know that, when the time comes, I'll not be emotionally present at all. I can detatch like the most skilled motherfucker you might imagine. I guess the explative attests to that, in its own way - were you to know how infrequently I use them.
Stranger: your pretty brave. i dont know that i could be in the same general area with someone that did something like that to me
Stranger: but youre also a great dad
Stranger: to put up with her for their sake says a lot
Stranger: anyway, as much as i hate to end this little chat here, its getting late and i have to get up early tomorrow
You: I love 'em, but I'm looking for a puppy to further the steps I've taken towards feeling attached to anything in life - steps taken, though with little appreciable result, with my (for the first time in my life) long, curly hair.
You: Hey; this was the greatest Omegle yet. Take it outside of the context of Omegle, and it's still awesome.
You: I intend to post this on my web log.
Stranger: lol as different as it was, it was enlightening
Stranger: socialnudist.com?
You: Heh. org.
Stranger: damn lol close enough :p
You: Thanks for being you; and go screw yourself for thinking that's less profound a thing to be than I perceive it to be.
You: ;-0
Stranger: youre welcome? :p
You: Hah.
Stranger: just thought i'd throw it out there... but if you ever want something to occupy your time and mind on these nights when you cant sleep, read Mind Hunter by john douglas
Stranger: cant go wrong there
Stranger: you have a wonderful night
You: I'll write it down.
You: You have a wonderful life.
Stranger: you too, Stranger
Stranger: goodbye :)
You: A good "bye."
Your conversational partner has disconnected.