oops

gravity is matter being repelled by space - like similarly polarized magnets. like the entities within me, there are three of the divine Creator. there's i, and me, and I. there's "the Father;" there's the inverse; there's their coexistence; and their cancelling each other out. their coexistence is matter; the void is the result of their cancelling each other out. these two outcomes are one and the same, and repel each other as do magnets, as the void does matter.

now for the entities within me. there's Me; there's my inverse (something like my perspective as separate from myself as discerned by me [this is effectively stream-of-conscience typing, so nothing's sure]). Me is balance and cohesion; my inverse is, i think, purely imagined, and the progenitor of all disharmony within my being. So, there's the balanced Me, of a nature that i cannot describe (but, until now, imagined was my "spirit," the aspect of my consciousness the nature of which is transcendental, "divine"); except maybe as the cohesion of my "spiritual" consciousness - the eternal flow, and this specificity which is my physical being - though not merely as i have grown to know it, with its five senses and limitation to this finite, physical form, but as it is the conduit of consciousness into this physical plane.


losing what i was saying, though nothing's been lost. there's One, and there's the perception of its inverse. the two outcomes of this are the same as space and matter; there is harmony and a Nirvanic mindstate, and there is the disharmony that is my usual depression and the routines with which i sustain it, filling my head always with negative recollection and negative anticipation. i am depressed, anxious, angry, and looking for someone to blame and for someone to make me feel better, to relieve me of all of this seemingly real sadness.

whatever it was that i became that i recall as and term the "perfect" state of awareness, is more than i can wrap my mind around, more than i can figure out, and something that i am helpless to find my way to. the only way to become it, is to let go of the pursuit of it, or of anything in particular.

i think that existence as i usually experience it is three of those four (of “Father,” inverse, coexistence and cancellation), and “God” as we limit our perception of him is also three of the four... when it may be that “God” actually encompasses the two opposites, and the two resultant opposites, and whatever more there must be (there must be Everything), and the pattern of this eternal encompassment and the encompassment itself.

aaaaah... God is the very beginning, the “Father,” the initial, that the inverse of which spawns all of the resultant inverses - and God is the ultimate result/total of all of these inverses. the Alpha and the Omega. and everything else imaginable and unimaginable, of course.

one day, i’ll be sure. on that day, i think i’ll no longer be sure of anything in particular.

or something like that.